Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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