Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
did you just send me my own nude
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