I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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