i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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