I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
