shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
