He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
