I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
