so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize