obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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