after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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