I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
