remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
