Porn is love you can see.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
