Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
