How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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