we have officially lost it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
