spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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