can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
A+ Viking dick
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