yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
