He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sorry my hands just texted you
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
