i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
