How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
