That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
