Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
