well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize