I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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