once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
