Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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