...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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