I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
