Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
