bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It's like God shit irony all over that family
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
