my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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