We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
