Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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