yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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