Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you had me at cake vodka
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
