Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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