I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
