Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
