you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
