You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
