whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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