I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
