she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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