I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
