I am puke
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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