I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
