Three words: puerto rican gang bang
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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