I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
