Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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