all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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