so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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