My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize