dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize