My boss' voice literally gives me gas
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize