Cold hands, warm shart.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
