Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
