I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It was confusing and full of hummus
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
