woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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