he thought i was a dude.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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