Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
