having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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