I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
