I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
