the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
