i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize