but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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