Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
