We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize