Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
