I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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