i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
