Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
