your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
