erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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