pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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