So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
