Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
