i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
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