Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
