look no pants
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
