dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
