Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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