I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
