I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize